LIVING ON THE EDGE

A Full Weekend That Left Me Feeling Empty

2009-10-23T18:30:00.007-04:00

This past weekend, my brother and a couple friends of ours made the trek to Notre Dame to see what we set out to see back in 2005 - that is, beating SC at home. 4 years ago, we maybe saw one of the best games in the storied rivalry that didn't go ND's way. We thought 4 years later we'd be able to witness something similar, but with the good guys coming out on top.

We got to see another exciting, nay, thrilling game, but were left with the same empty feeling. The similarities between the two were incredible. The scores were similar, the fact that the field had to be cleared in both games for one last play, and the fact that despite the great football played, ND simply couldn't pull it out.

We have now seen two of the best finishes between these two teams and neither has gone our way. However, the weekend was fun as I was able to spend time with my brother and a few friends. We were able to go to the Rallly on the Green, see the first half of the #7 ND women's soccer game, and the Midnight Drummer's Circle Friday night and then did normal game day stuff Sat. morning around campus. We had a blast, but ended up driving home a bit bummed.

Here are a few pics...
Nothing like ND Stadium on a beautiful fall day

Here Come The IRISH!

One second left...

Same empty feeling

My Spirit... It's All About Discipline

2009-10-18T21:54:00.011-04:00

I've been fortunate enough to find a graduate program that places a tremendous amount of emphasis on the importance of facilitating whole-person education. The benefit is that in learning how to facilitate, I also am wholly educated. Right now my cohort is taking a Spiritual Formation class and it has made an impact on me, to say the least. If nothing else, this class has pointed me back to the spiritual disciplines, and I've begun to find a new, refreshing power in them.

I hope the title was a bit intriguing to you, and maybe even found you disagreeing with it. However, what I've been finding, both through study and personal experience, points to that statement being true. I'm beginning to see that the spiritual disciplines are foundational elements to my faith, and without them, my foundation becomes less like concrete and more like sand.

A simple example is reading the Bible every day. I've heard people say that you shouldn't read your Bible unless your heart is in the right place, ready to receive the Word. Or I've heard, "Well, I just didn't feel like reading my Bible today." In my opinion, those are classic examples of how your heart can be deceived.

I'm reading a book for class right now called Desiring the Kingdom and I can sum it up for you in one phrase: "Habits are formative*." If that is the case, then shouldn't I make it a habit to read my Bible? Shouldn't I read it even if my heart is in a terrible place, if I'm ticked off at God, or if I just feel lazy? I have not been perfect, but since Jan. 1 I have tried harder than ever to make this an everyday practice. This class is only confirming what I've learned and experienced in the past year; if I open up my Bible, even out of habit, his Word will not return void. I notice that my SPIRIT is different on days that I start it all off by opening up my Bible. It's the same way with the disciplines of fasting, solitude, prayer, submission, service, confession, and celebration**.

My generation, and that includes a good portion of the people reading this blog, have strayed from Discipline, especially of the spiritual variety. I know everything I've written is not groundbreaking, but I want to encourage you all (if you're not doing so already) to pick one of the previously listed spiritual disciplines and try to make it a habit (either daily or weekly) and see what God teaches you through being diligent and disciplined. No, it's not a bad thing to daily open your Bible or pray, or fast a day a week out of habit. That's like saying it's a bad thing to put your seat belt on or to not swear because they are habits.

Make some of these disciplines habits and watch your spirit grow and change to become more like Christ!

*I'm not kidding. You really don't have to read the book because I just gave it away. It's not a huge message, but it's an important one to understand.
**If it sounds like I took a bunch of these from Foster's Celebration of Discipline, it's because I did.

New Season... New Thoughts (This one is for Allie)

2009-10-11T19:07:00.005-04:00

After a two month hiatus from this blog, I'm back. I was just recently thinking about how life has grabbed me by the neck and I haven't posted anything on my blog. Then, the one and only, Allie Clark specifically asked for a post, so this post is entirely just for you Allie.

I've learned so much in the last 2 months that I'm not sure where to begin. I've been extremely challanged in my faith through my grad work and through some amazing relationships that the LORD has placed in my life. I don't know where these two months have gone, but hopefully over the next few posts I can catch you up to speed and offer you all some challanging and refreshing thoughts.

Grace and Peace

Suffering... Who knows it?

2009-08-05T09:58:00.006-04:00

I've been stuck on this topic of suffering since last May. I've talked to friends and mentors about this, and yet no one seems to fully grasp the concept of suffering in our lives. One thing I know is that we are called to it as Christians and we must choose it as Christ chose it, but I still don't know what that looks like in my life.

In the past week alone, Caleb Bislow and Kyle Lantz both put Piper videos about suffering on their blogs and I had a lengthy conversation about it with another friend. Last night I listened to a Piper sermon about how we can arm ourselves to suffer and it got me fired up enough to actually do something about it. So I'm going to dive into a massive* study on what the Bible has to say about suffering. If anyone has anything they can add or if you just want to join with me in this, I would be more than happy to accept help or other views/thoughts on the subject.

*Relative to Eric Gingerich's normal Biblical topical studies

Saying Goodbye to LCC

2009-07-25T22:23:00.002-04:00

I'm just a few minutes away from walking out of my apartment and dorm that was home for July. I can't say that I'm feeling too much emotion, but that is probably because I'm too tired to feel any. I've had 4 hours of sleep since I woke up Friday morning (it's 5:30 am Sunday morning here).

I am definitely going to miss this place, but have a feeling that I will return to LCC again at some point in my life. The school stands in stark contrast to the culture here, and I was able to just get a glimpse of the impact it makes on students' lives while I was here.

Pray for safe travel for me on Monday. I'm looking forward to getting some sleep the next few days.

Swinging a U-ey

2009-07-24T21:00:00.006-04:00

The title has to do with a change in my attitudes and feelings throughout the day/last 18 hours. It's 4 am and I'm going to bed, so I can send students off at 5:45 am, but I wanted to write because I'm so very excited. I just finished a great conversation with 3 students about their experience at SLI, and it helped solidify my question of whether I/we made an impact in the lives of the SLI students. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the answer is yes. What we did the past 3 weeks was absolutely counter-cultural. So much so, that the students couldn't help but notice a difference in the way the teachers/staff work, play, and live. I likely may never see the fruit of the seeds that were planted here, but I know that lives were changed. Thanks to all who provided prayer support and financial support to make this a reality. I can say that your gifts and sacrifice have made a great impact for the Kingdom.

There will be more thoughts and reflections to come, but for now I'm going to bed. Thanks again to everyone who sacrificed to make this a reality for me. I love you all very much.

A Relaxing 3 Days

2009-07-19T16:40:00.007-04:00

Just when I thought I couldn't go on, I found myself receiving a 3 day break of sorts. The last few days I have really been able to relax, refresh, and rejuvenate for the home stretch run this week. A friend let me borrow his bike, so Friday I rode 30 km* to a city north of Klaipeda called Palanga. The bike trail was awesome and nearly all of it was through the forest. It was a beautiful, relaxing ride. Palanga is a very touristy city, with beautiful beaches and a lot of shops, etc. I didn't spend a lot of time there, but I hung out in a park for a while and checked out some famous buildings, statues, gardens, etc... The city is full of all kinds of folk lore. Here is a grotto, which is at the base of a sand dune that honors a priestess on top. Ironic, huh.
This reminded me of Notre Dame (can't wait for football season)

The main thing was that I was simply able to get away and clear my head for an afternoon. I was able to have some quality reading time and allowed myself to slow down enough to do some reflecting on my experience.

Saturday and Sunday were more of the same; A lot of relaxing, going to the beach and hanging out/playing games with my boss, his wife and a couple of LCC staffers.
One of those is Tim Wolter, a man who taught at LCC for a year and a half back in '06-'07. I have spent a lot of time with him in the last 24 hours, and have had numerous interactions with him throughout the month. I have come to respect and admire him and his wisdom. He is a very humble, discerning, and meek man who loves the Lord and I have been blessed to have learned from him. What a great reminder and encouragement to constantly be pursuing Jesus; A life lived like that impacts so many people. Thanks Tim for your example.

*After riding over 60 km for the day, I have a very sore butt (my fault for not biking before I came)

Late Nights

2009-07-18T17:07:00.006-04:00

There have only been a few nights where I have gone to bed before 1. That has been for numerous reasons, but I've found that most of my relationships here have been built during these late hours. Tonight is no exception. I just got done hanging out with my co-RD and one of our RAs, who also happens to be on night duty tonight. We thought it would be appropriate to eat some ice cream while relaxing and talking at the front desk. I feel like all I do here is eat (have I mentioned this before). What's funny is as I'm typing this, Vesia just brought me some traditional bread with this yogurt/cream/cottage cheese on it*. It literally never stops.

Veslava a.k.a. Vesia, Inga, one of our RAs, and I enjoying some carmel ice cream.

*It sounds disgusting, but people kill over this stuff... and now I understand why.

Stonewalled and Broken

2009-07-15T08:15:00.003-04:00

Last Thursday evening I had a head to head collision with Eastern European culture and I came out of the night frustrated, exhausted... BROKEN! The theme of the week for the 4 different discussion/bible/movie groups we have for the students was on relationships. The second half of the week we focused on romantic relationships. Thursday at a group called 'Crossroads,' we discussed dating, marriage, and sex. There was a range of views and ideas about the topics, but most of the students resonated with each other at the core of their beliefs.

There wasn't anything said, or any ideas or philosophies thrown out that I had never heard before, but it was something else that broke me. It was the fact that the students don't comprehend that there is a different way to do relationships. It hurt to see so many young people settle for the lies Satan has bombarded them with, but I came away realizing that I often do the same thing. It may not be with relationships, but I settle for comfort, complacency, and selfish desires way too often. I'm not immune to Satan's lies, none of us are, but it twists my heart every time I see their destruction first hand.

I realize this is a pretty raw reflection that hopefully I can expound on in more detail when I get home. It's been very hard to process these types of things while in Klaipeda because the days just seem to be flying by, and the experiences keep adding up. Continue to pray for the hearts of these students.

Utter Exhaustion

2009-07-13T16:52:00.004-04:00

I literally don't remember ever being this drained. It's so far beyond tired, I can't believe I can keep my eyes open to write this. All that to say, I LOVE THIS PLACE! Unfortunately, I haven't had time to sit down and write some of what I've been learning, but hopefully I will have some time in the next few days. Until then check out the Summer Language Institute (SLI) blog for a brief glance at some of the programming, etc. that I've been doing. There isn't much substance to the written portions of the blog, but it is an easy way to communicate with students, so we use it to summarize an event with pictures and advertise for upcoming res life stuff. Peace and Love to all.

Learning, Learning, and more Learning

2009-07-08T05:23:00.003-04:00

I feel like the theme for me since I've arrived in Klaipeda has been learning. The learning has ranged from learning about the culture, to learning Lithuanian, Russian, and LCC history and Catholic and Orthodox history, to learning part of a new language, to learning about myself. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

I have made some great friends as well that I have already learned enormously from. Majia, Allison, and Emas have challenged me quite a bit already through the great conversations we have nearly everyday. At the very least I will say that I have been humbled by them all and I am so thankful for that. They are truly seeking the Lord and it has been an incredible blessing to have them to connect with. I'm sure I will write more on them later on.

There isn't much that has really surprised me about this place, but I will tell you that it has been an incredible experience thus far. The Summer Language Institute is intense for everyone involved (the students, the teachers, and the res life staff), so I feel like we are on the go 24-7. I feel nearly run ragged, which is good, because the sooner I can empty my tank and switch to God's, the better.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the culture is somewhat cold and closed, so it takes some good trust with someone before you can dig into heart issues and issues of life/faith/theology. Last night however, was one of those breakthrough nights with a student, actually one of my RAs. Please pray for her as she searches for the Truth. And please pray for the rest of the students, that their hearts would be softened to God's message to them, however, he may choose to reach them.

The First Few Days...

2009-07-02T10:25:00.005-04:00

The last couple of days have been a combination of training, getting to know the other summer faculty and staff, and orienting myself to the university and surrounding areas in Klaipeda. Thus far, my experience has been very exciting and positive. However, I'm ready to get students here on Sat. and start the summer term next week.

Here are a few things I've learned in the last couple of days:

1. I absolutely love other cultures. There is so much to learn from those who are different from you. You also realize you have much more in common with other peoples than what you thought. After all, we're all human.

2. There isn't much food I don't like, and Lithuanian food* falls in the 'like' category.

3. Completing even the smallest tasks in another culture is a very rewarding feeling. Tuesday, I went to the grocery store all by myself** and got a lot of food. I achieved my goal of not speaking a word of English the whole time***. It was fun and provided a great sense of accomplishment. I was reminded of the Dominican a little bit b/c of the feeling I got.

4. Lithuania is an increasingly developing country, but there is still this blanket that kind of covers it, holding it back if you will. The best word that captures it is probably hopelessness. It obviously stems from a skewed worldview, but it affects the day to day pragmatic approach to life that people take. There are definitely many layers to unravel before you get to the underlying worldview with the Lithuanian people, and I suspect I will encounter this a lot with my students.

5. Old****, spunky people are fun to be around.

6. My time here is going to fly, but I'll try to update this as much as possible.

Keep praying for me when you think about it.

*Lithuanian food is very cheap, especially at restaurants, and I've taken full advantage of that fact. I may be coming back a few pounds heavier. Right now I'm making myself dinner consisting of deli sandwiches and cepilinai.

**Of course I had a couple cheat sheets with me to ensure I was getting pork instead of eel, or milk instead of sour milk, but that's beside the point

***Granted, I didn't speak at all, but still... it's something right?

****Is that PC?

I've Arrived... In Lithuania That Is

2009-06-29T18:32:00.003-04:00

I just arrived in Klaipeda a few hours ago and it has already been a blast. After leaving OK City early Sun. morning and surviving getting bumped 3 different times on flights, I actually made it to Vilnius, Lithuania an hour ahead of schedule. From there I jumped on a charter bus with 20 other Summer Language Institute faculty and staff for a 4 hour ride to Klaipeda. It has been quite the adventure already and I can't wait to start work in the morning. The summer faculty are an outgoing bunch... characters to say the least. Most of them are double, some triple my age, but they sure don't act like it. I can't wait to get to know them all better and learn from them throughout the month.

I feel I have so many stories to tell from my first day of travel, but I need to get to bed so I'm not fighting jet lag for a week. I'll update you all very soon. I appreciate all the prayers* and support that have been given. I could not be doing this without them.

*The prayers were especially felt today as the Lord worked out all the chaotic travel mess that came my way.

Friends Who Challenge

2009-06-17T00:08:00.002-04:00

One of the biggest blessings the Lord has continually given me throughout my life is solid friends who challenge me on a steady, consistent basis. Of those friends, many of them have a deep burden for missions and a great ability to convey profound and convicting truths through their experiences.

Here is a post from a great friend who is currently in India working with an organization that rescues women from sex trafficking and helps them start a new life. This post is too challenging to not pass on to y'all, so here it is.

A Little Visit to the BIG CO: Part II

2009-06-16T23:40:00.007-04:00

Another reason why I like Colorado in the summer is the unbelievable hiking and gorgeous views of God's creation available to anyone who ventures outside. A couple friends and I went on a hike my last day in the Springs. It is probably the easiest hike in Colorado, but has some amazing views along the way. The best part on this day, however, was running into a big mama black bear. Some people at the trail head said it was over 300, maybe even nearing 350 pounds, which is pretty big for a black bear. Like any great moment in nature, when trying to take a picture, I was unable to get a good, focused shot of this thing, so I'll give you the best capture I have. It started about 30/40 feet below us on a slope and then ran up the hill to about 30 feet above us. I closed in to take this shot, when the other 2 people with me asked if I knew there were 2 bear cubs in the tree above me. Needless to say, we backed up and gave them some space. (Click on the picture to get a better view/idea of her size) Seeing the beauty, power, and innate protective instincts of God's creation all wrapped up in a mama black bear was exhilarating and an adrenaline rush to say the least.

A Little Visit to the BIG CO: Part I

2009-06-11T11:42:00.016-04:00

One of the things that the Lord has blessed me with are friends that live in some pretty sweet places. I recently just got back from the Front Range in Colorado where I spent some time with some friends of mine in Denver and Colorado Springs. It was a great, and much needed, week of R&R. I spent some time with an old college roommate, went scrambling** (more on that later) with a brand new friend, and hung out for a few days with some classmates from Focus Institute. Again, you can't have a bad week when visiting Colorado, especially when there is no agenda and you don't have much of a care in the world.

Memorial Day, I traveled with a new buddy of mine, Hugh White, to Garden of the Gods in the Springs area. The original plan was to rock climb all morning. However, when we got there, we realized one of his friends had his belay device***, so we couldn't climb. Of course we weren't just going to pack up and go home, so we decided to scramble a bit. We looked over at Kindergarten Rock, the longest and second or third tallest in the park, and decided to go get it done. Here are some resulting pics of our scramble.

Yes, we went straight up this
A view of some of the other more famous formations

The view straight down
The view straight up

Hugh and I had an absolute blast doing this. We spent a good chunk of time talking and enjoying God's beauty at the top (especially the views of Pike's Peak). We also messed around a bit on some small boulders and rocks at the top. We'd jump from rock to rock, trying different holds while not falling 250+ feet to our deaths. It was just one of the cool adventures I had during my time out there. More stories to come.

**Scrambling sounds really manly and scary, but it's not as hard core as I can talk it up to be. Scrambling is a step down from straight up free climbing (no ropes, but your not climbing 80 to 90 degree rock faces either).
***For you climbers out there, if we had our heads on straight we could have just made a muenter hitch with our rope. Unfortunately, we didn't have our heads with us... maybe it was the altitude.

A Profound Conviction

2009-06-11T11:18:00.007-04:00

I went through the book of Micah this past week and read something in Chapter 6 on Monday that has messed me up for a few days. I still can't put my finger on exactly what convicted me in this passage, but I just read it and knew something was not right in my life. Enough talk, here it is:

The Lord is talking through Micah and he says that he is making a case or a charge (kind of like in a courtroom) against Israel.
Micah 6:3
"My people, what have I done to you?
How have I burdened you? Answer me."

I don't know about you, but that sent some chills down my spine. I was instantly convicted, like the Lord was talking straight to me. The Lord asking me what he has done to burden me. Obviously the answer is nothing. But for some reason, I had this feeling of entitlement, like the Lord owes me something. Frankly, he doesn't owe me anything. He has already paid the greatest price, and yet here I am feeling like he owes me. LORD FORGIVE ME.

The passage continues with the Lord showing Israel all the things he had brought them through. Yet even then, Israel was rebelling against him, saying he wasn't present or he owed them something. The Lord is GOOD and too often we simply forget that. There is a fairly easy remedy (in theory) at the end of that particular passage. It goes like this:

Micah 6:8
"He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God."

Simple as that. However, at least for me, my pride often tends to get in the way of the humbly part. I really need to work on those three things though: Acting justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly. I'm not sure what they look like acted out in my life, but I'd like to figure it out so I can do them. Feel free to ask me how I'm doing in those areas. What did the Lord speak to you in these couple of verses? I'd love to hear.
Peace and Love to my readers

The Pains of Single Living

2009-06-07T21:26:00.006-04:00

No, I'm not talking about romantic relationships. I'm talking about living in an apartment all by myself. One of the things that was hammered home while I was at the Institute at Focus on the Family was to never live by yourself. I understood their reasoning, but now I've experienced it for a year and can say with certainty that it is an important rule to try to live by. I will grant that sometimes life demands otherwise, for instance my situation being an RD in a res hall, or maybe moving to a place where you initially don't know anyone. However, I've found it to be a very negative experience, mainly for the reasons I was warned about at Focus.

Maybe you completely disagree with me when I say single living might be one of the worst things you can do, but hear me out. What I witnessed in my own life was a bit disturbing. Because of my previous knowledge, I was aware of what was happening, but often it was hard to curb the effect of single living. When you live by yourself, you immediately lose all forms of daily accountability and awareness of others. You get home and don't have to be a servant to anyone - you don't have to be selfless. That was the hardest thing to fight because my flesh was loving being focused only on ME. But my spirit sensed that it was wrong. It's kind of like exercise; when you don't lift, your muscles don't grow. If you never have to practice selflessness, you won't learn or grow in that area. I have found my self-awareness diminish along with my desire to and awareness of opportunities to serve others.

Lastly, you don't have individuals to challenge you to grow because they simply aren't around. Say what you will about having accountability partners, etc., but the fact is, your accountability partner most likely isn't going to be around you all the time. A roommate will, and they will force you to address issues that you otherwise wouldn't normally have to address. On a side note, I think living with roommates of the same sex is a great preparation for marriage because it forces you to think of others when often you don't feel like it.

I say all this to let you know selfishness is something I've really been struggling with, and I think it largely stems from living by myself. Feel free to call me out on this if you notice it in my life.

For you recent post-grads out there, take my advice. Do yourselves a favor and find a couple solid people to live with. If you live intentionally with each other, you'll be a better person because of it.

Saying Goodbye to MAHE Cohort of '09

2009-06-02T14:23:00.004-04:00

Two weekends ago, I was at TU where I watched old and new friends alike, receive their MAHE hoods and then graduate the next day. Those two days were full of emotion as goodbyes had to be said to brothers and sisters in Christ who are starting new chapters in their lives.

The program director, Tim Herrmann, spoke at the hooding of one of the most difficult things to learn while in education. He spoke of the importance of learning to say goodbye, and the message definitely resonated with me. I learned how it would be selfish of me to want them to stay and so I tried my best to send them out with a blessing. There is no doubt in my mind that the MAHE class of '09 will go on to impact their world for Christ.

So I want to say thank you to the '09 cohort, for impacting my life through intentional relationships, providing Christ-like models in your personal and professional lives, and for pushing the '10 cohort to strive for excellence while living a balanced life. May God bless you all as you continue to serve Him and His Kingdom.

Free Stuff!

2009-04-14T20:03:00.002-04:00

Here's the deal, you search the internet using swagbucks.com and you earn 'swagbucks'. As you accumulate these 'swagbucks' you are capable of winning cool prizes (i.e. my favorite, an amazon.com gift card).

All you have to do is sign up by clicking here, and the rest is just searching the internet for whatever it is you search for.

The sight is run by google and ask.com, so the result lists are fairly good, in terms of landing good websites for your search topic. Anyway, IT'S ALL FREE, you just have to create an account. Do it if you want, or not... I just figured y'all would like to get free stuff for doing what you do anyway. Might be hard to believe, but tell that to the Ravi Zacharias book I'm about to buy.

My 25

2009-03-27T14:55:00.011-04:00

I've recently seen this phenomenon blazing through facebook and decided to try my hand at it... so here it goes:

25. I love sunrises... the summer I lived in the Dominican, I sat on the beach and watched the sun come up nearly every morning. There is such a calm about the early morning that I love. It is by far the most peaceful time of the day and is one of the best ways to start each day; A great reminder of the new blessings and opportunities the Lord gives us each day.

24. I don't own a T.V. and I love it. If it wasn't for sports, I would be okay with never watching t.v. again

23. I like to read a lot. Reading gives me new and fresh ideas about so many things and often stretches me to think outside myself and my ignorant and limited bubble of knowledge.

22. I never want to be called ignorant about anything, but I know that's not really possible. I think that's why I like #23 so much.

21. I wish I was much more articulate. I get jealous of people who can express themselves so easily through speaking or writing*.

20. I graduated with a B.S. in Chemistry and now don't really want anything to do with it.

19. I enjoy networking. For some reason, the places I've been and the things I've done have included and involved people from all over and have lent to my strength of building relationships. Because of this I have friends, all over the country and world, who teach me so much and allow me to travel some as well.

18. I love to travel. If I could, I would quit grad school and travel the world for the rest of my life. Come to think of it, I don't know why I couldn't. Fear of the unknown maybe.

17. I love missions. I'm learning what it means to have a missions mindset daily, no matter where you are, but nevertheless I'm finding that I love overseas missions very much and want it to be a part of my life as long as I'm on this earth.

16. I would give a decent amount to be able to play the piano well.

15. Ravi Zacharias is my hero... I want to be his disciple for a year (look him up on youtube)

14. I grew up on a farm and think it's the best place for a kid to grow up. Makes me want to raise my kids on a farm.

13. I like kids and want to have a moderately large family

12. I aspire to be a great husband and father. My dad is one of the best examples of this I know... I admire him a lot

11. I am a helpless romantic... and that's all you need to know about that.

10. I have an unhealthy affinity for the University of Notre Dame... I love the place and I love rooting for it's athletics. In the fall, I live and breath Notre Dame football**

9. I love people. I like investing in them and being intentional with them. I also just like watching and observing them. We are a really weird and quirky species. My dad and siblings used to sit in parking lots and watch people. We would make up what was going through their heads or if someone was with them, what they were talking about based on their mood, facial expression, etc. It's hilarious to see someone do something embarrassing (i.e. trip, pick their nose, bump into another car) and then look around to see if anyone saw them look like a dork. Try it sometime. It's fun.

8. One of the most enjoyable things for me is to be in the company of great friends. I have been so blessed with loyal, fun-loving, and honest friendships.

7. Being on the water in the summer is the best. There aren't many things better than an intense day of tubing.

6. Sitting around a campfire is one of my favorite things to do***

5. I want to someday live in Colorado. I love the mountains and I love the active lifestyle they demand from you

4. Kanakuk is the greatest place on the face of the planet. No debate, no question, end of discussion.

3. I love the game of basketball. I love to watch it, study it, dissect it, teach it, and play it. I have a passion for the game and want to be around it, in some capacity, the rest of my life.

2. I wouldn't be the person I am today, without being raised in the family the Lord gave me. I love them very much.

1. I strive to make Jesus Christ the center of my life.

I feel like there is much more to be said and I omitted a lot of things, but now you potentially know 25 more things about me than before you started reading this.

*yes Steve Conn, this is mostly directed at you
**this is a sad statement and one day may cause me to be introspective and realize it doesn't/shouldn't matter all that much and I will then stop caring about it all together
***campfires are nature's T.V.

Spring Break... A Thing of the Past

2009-03-27T14:01:00.004-04:00

I've recently come to grips with the reality that spring break no longer exists for me. It is a thing of the past. The whole reason I decide to enter into the arena of education is so I would have Christmas, Spring, and Summer Breaks for the rest of my life*. But NO, reality had to hit me square in the teeth the past couple weeks and deny me any hope of ever getting another spring break. Why do I say this, you might ask? Well let me tell you.
Today marks the end of the second (yes I said second) consecutive week of spring break for me. Here is what my 2 week spring break consisted of: homework. Not rest, not fun, just homework, period. I have a bit of a quarrel with Webster when he defines thesis as "a position or proposition which a person advances and offers to maintain, or which is actually maintained by argument." I think it just means an obnoxious way for graduate faculty to make my life miserable through tireless study on a specific subject**. Needless to say, I have done a lot of work the past couple weeks and I WILL OVERCOME.

*and maybe to impact the lives of students, who are searching for Truth
**It also may or may not involve me becoming an expert in my area of study and landing a job outside of grad school.

My next great life adventure...

2009-03-03T12:29:00.001-05:00

I want to do this!

wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

Thesis is off the ground

2009-03-01T12:09:00.005-05:00

If you would have told me a little over a year ago that by Feb. 2009 I would be smack in the middle of graduate work and starting a thesis, I may have laughed in your face. I'm finding that I am not an academic and have little desire to become one, but when I am fully engaged in something, I get really excited about the little things.

Friday was a great day for me to get excited. I officially settled on a research topic with my thesis supervisor* Skip Trudeau. He was very encouraging and got me all amped up to begin my thesis. I think we will work very well together for several reasons, but mainly b/c our personalities are very similar and we have many similar interests, one being my topic.

I'm going to be studying the effect that being a college athlete has on a person's spirituality and spiritual development. It's a topic that hasn't been researched much, but one that Christian college presidents and athletic directors are becoming increasingly interested in. It's going to be a long, sometimes frustrating, but very rewarding road. It's exciting though to get this part of my masters started. I'll keep you updated periodically on my progress and findings.

*Skip has a much more official sounding title for himself, but I like to keep it simple/I forgot what it is

Someone Pinch Me...

2009-03-01T00:08:00.004-05:00

I think I'm getting old. Maybe it's a dream, maybe I just don't want to face reality, but Saturdays are becoming like Sundays for me.

I sat around all day today and was content in watching a couple basketball games and talking on the phone to a mentor of mine. I then realized that I needed to get some homework done, but wasn't upset about it and actually felt like doing it. It's almost like I was looking forward to learning.

Somewhere in all that, I snuck in about an hour nap. Then after doing a bit of leisurely reading, I crawled into bed at 9:30ish* to get some much needed beauty sleep. Now, you might look at the time of this post and ask a pretty valid question. There is a reason why I am awake 3 1/2 hours later and that is because I couldn't go to sleep because I was laying there completely caught up in thought.**

I couldn't stop thinking about how I could better invest in the people around me. There are so many hurts, needs, potentials, good intentions, people searching for Truth, people trying to engage in Truth and better serve others, and the list goes on. I want to reach out and touch people where they are and make an indelible impact on their lives.

One of the ways I will hopefully do this is by taking a few young men with me to Atlanta over spring break to work with Desire Street Ministries and expose them to urban ministry and to the issues the needy are dealing with. I was getting all excited thinking about it and had to get back out of bed and look up DSM's website and reacquaint myself with their cause.

I'm coming down off of my high, so I think I might go to bed for real now. I'll keep everyone informed on any news about the DSM opportunity.

*This is definitely an old person's bed time
**To me this constitutes an adult activity/getting old, so if you disagree with me too bad

Losing a Link

2009-02-21T20:19:00.003-05:00

About a month ago I traveled to Kansas City to reunite with friends from the Focus Institute. Unfortunately, this reunion was very different than the few some of us FFI alumni have shared since we graduated last spring. We gathered to mourn a fallen sister, a lost link in our eternal chain that will bind us for life. Although, I did not spend a lot of time with Angie while in CO, when I heard of the news of her passing it was like someone hit me in the stomach or ripped something away from me... from us. Here is a picture that shows the tangible look of the spiritual chain that binds us. (Again it's hard to explain the emotions contained in this picture and the strength of this bond between the Spring of 2008 FFI alumni)

Angie Sanders, passed away on Friday, Jan. 9th. However, her legacy continued on and was very evident in her funeral, which was more of a celebration than anything else. It was an incredible ceremony that honored Angie in the only way the people who knew her could have imagined, by centering it completely on Christ. Her father, Preston, conducted the ceremony and spoke for an hour and a half! He was only slowed by an occasional emotional memory, but would regain his strength to continue to proclaim the amazing news that his daughter tried to display with her life. To be honest, I don't think I've ever heard someone preach the gospel message and it's implications for our lives like Preston brought it on Jan. 17. In the face of tragedy, it was amazing to see him, and Angie's entire family, not only cling to Christ, but proclaim HIS amazing grace and mercy.

I was again reminded of the phrase "you have never met a mere mortal" as I watched the people who had come to the funeral pay Angie their last respects. People of all ages, sizes, colors, styles, and economic backgrounds were there and I had to think that maybe Angie bought into what C.S. Lewis had stated. It seemed that she never met someone she was too good for or didn't have time for and it felt like a punch in the gut and a refreshing shower at the same time. I was convicted of my own apathy when I saw all the kinds of people she touched. At the same time, it was this awesome encouragement to see a follower of Christ be represented by the number of people she influenced. I hope that when my day comes, I too will have impacted as diverse and large a group as Angie.

Food For Thought - Mere Mortals

2009-01-25T15:48:00.009-05:00

I learned a C.S. Lewis quote at the Focus Institute that I haven't been able to shake. He once said, "You have never met a mere mortal."

I have been wrestling with this for quite some time (since being at FFI last spring) and some recent encounters have brought my internal struggle with this statement back to the forefront of my mind. Here are some previous thoughts that started this fight inside myself between holding onto my comfortable, selfish lifestyle and living with abandon and with an eternal perspective:

I've been humbled many times by this statement, yet I still fail to live like I believe it. What would my life look like if I looked at every person I saw as the eternal being that they are. How many times do I drive by the same shop, and maybe even patronize it, and never engage with the owner? The people that live next door; not mere mortals. How many times do I interact with these people and yet don't genuinely care about their story? Everyone has a story, but do I take the time to listen? Do I take the time to care? How much different would my life look if I saw people as more than mere mortals?

I want to be so involved in my world, but I lose the intentionality of that focus so easily. I'm realizing I'm losing focus because I'm failing to constantly gaze at the nature of God. Two characteristics of God that sting are his humility and his extreme involvement. He is the definition of humility. He humbles himself to the lowly and becomes involved in their very being.

A former professor of mine, Dr. Del Tackett, describes God's involvement very well (yet it's still only finite):
"He listens and he touches. He comforts and he disciplines. He dwells within us and he intercedes. He protects us, he guides us, he provides our every need. He is the vine and he gives us life. He has spoken to us in his word and he keeps us from temptations that we cannot bear. He is deeply involved. God is not apathetic. He does not abstain. He does not abdicate his responsibilities to fulfill his promises. He is faithful to the end. He is the Father to the fatherless. He defends the weak and the needy. He is righteous and he does what is right. He sends rain on the just and the unjust. You cannot accuse God of copping out. He doesn't bail. He doesn't flee. He never retreats and he never abandons the battle. He is deeply involved. He takes the evil king to task and he judges the wicked. He opposes the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. He hears the cries of his people. He listens to them and he answers our prayers. His providential hand has been felt by those who have come before and by those who will come after us. He brings peace in the midst of trials. He opens the prison doors. He sets the captives free. He is present in the foxhole and he knows when a sparrow falls. He is the ever present, the ever near, the everlasting Father. He has not abandoned us and he will not forsake us. He IS INVOLVEMENT! If you want to follow Him, then you must engage in the battle!"

I know this is long, but it gives some food for thought. Let me know what you think

FFI - First Weekend

2009-01-04T17:59:00.007-05:00

The first weekend at Focus Institute is crucial to setting the tone for the rest of the semester, both for the faculty and the students. I can tell you that something happens in the first few days at Focus and then the next 3 days on the "base-camp retreat" that is hard to describe. (It's called base-camp because climbing a mountain was the metaphor used for the journey of the semester and the retreat was the beginning/prep stage; hence, "base-camp").

85 college students and post-grads load up with 10 to 15 staff members and make a trek up to 9,000 feet and Horn Creek Retreat Center, for a life-changing retreat. The crazy thing is that the 85 Institute students are basically strangers, having only known each other for 3 days. But the mountains + God changes a lot of things.

During those three days we grew closer together than is humanly possible. Through all kinds of ice breakers, staff testimonies and challenges, seminars, and opportunities to chill with peers in the great outdoors or inside with a warm cup of hot chocolate we left a different kind of group. To be honest, as we left it felt like a True community of believers and one could share deeply from their hearts with many brand new friends. This type of vulnerability set the stage for the most incredible 3 1/2 months of growth in my entire life.

Here are some pictures of us tubing that first weekend at the base-camp retreat at Horn Creek.

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-04T17:42:00.002-05:00

I don't know how I feel about New Year's Resolutions. Sometimes I make one, sometimes I don't. I think they mainly just make people feel good about themselves for a couple months until life grabs them by the neck in March and they forget all about them.

Despite my often skeptical view of them, I made several this year. For now, I'll share one to whoever reads this thing. I want to read 20 books of my personal, leisurely choice (this excludes textbooks, work related material, etc.) in 2009. The reason I share this resolution is two fold. First, I will be placing them in my new column on the right titled "20 Books in 2009" as I read them, in hopes that I will be able to share something valuable from each of them to you. Second, it allows you to keep me accountable on this resolution (i.e. when July rolls around and I have 3 books on my list, you can write me and tell me to get my butt in gear).

I look forward to learning a lot from this resolution and hopefully sharing and challenging you all through it as well.

If you have any great books you'd think I'd enjoy, especially one's I could borrow from you, let me know. That would be swell.

FFI Series Preface

2009-01-03T22:58:00.004-05:00

This video is a great overview of the program. It's a bit cheesy at the beginning and seems to be so brief for the depth it tries to convey, but it might help to show the intentionality and how awesome the program is.

It's interesting to watch this video after being there because I literally experienced the things that these students are talking about. What blew me away immediately upon arrival was that everyone knew my name and my story. It was incredible. At one point in the clip, the president, Dr. Del Tackett mentions that the "Institute defies description." I realize that is exactly what I am trying to do with this series, but figured I'd at least give it a shot. I think the video is a great way to start this series as it really sets the tone for what the Institute is all about. Enjoy.

Focus Institute Series

2008-12-12T18:25:00.007-05:00

I know the series thing is so cliche, but I'm not smart enough* to try to think of a more clever title, so just deal with it...

I can honestly say, by far and away, my experience at Focus on the Family Institute (FFI) was the most transformational 3 1/2 months of my life as a Christian. However, I have a hard time conveying that experience. I realize when I do talk about my experience at FFI, and I do it a lot**, most people just give me this blank "deer in headlights" stare back. So I figured I would write a short synopsis (in series form) on my experiences while living in CO Springs and taking classes at FFI. Hopefully, through stories and pictures, everyone will have a slightly better idea of why I deeply love Colorado, FFI, and the people I met there.

*by not smart enough I mean too lazy to think of/look up a synonym
**This means an inordinate amount (like Steve Conn talking about Taylor University or Cubs fans talking about this year being 'the year')

Changing Relationships

2008-12-10T22:57:00.003-05:00

It's all about relationships! This has become my theme recently and maybe has even become a crutch to me at times. However, God has placed this innate desire for deep relationship within us, and as much as we can hate relationships in our lives, we sure can't survive without them.

Over Thanksgiving a couple weeks ago, I experienced quite a few changing/new relationships. It was interesting to see how I felt towards each one as I experienced that change. For the sake of length, I will just mention a couple.

I started a brand new relationship (as new as I think you can get) with Preston Quinn Miller, my newborn nephew. He is so tiny, and as I held him for the first time, I felt this rush of joy and excitement in me. It wasn't that I knew this little guy so well, but the fact that there was a new, meaningful relationship in my life. It's amazing what a new life brings to your world.

The second one was saying goodbye to an old high school friend who is going to Turkey to be a full-time missionary. Just for precaution, I won't mention her name, but I'm assuming most of you know this person. It was a mixed bag of emotions saying goodbye to a longtime friend. On one hand I was sad to see her go, but I was also full of excitement for the opportunities and experiences that await her on the mission field. I don't know how much I'll see her the rest of my life, but I know that she is impacting lives for Christ and I'm proud of her for taking a step of courage and faith and living with abandon. What's great is that because of our connection in Christ (coupled with great technology) our relationship doesn't have to end, it's just going to look a lot different.

Maybe I'll mention my other changing relationships in another post, but reflecting on these two was enough for me to be reminded to live with intention every day. In light of that, I would just remind everyone to invest in the people around you, because you never know when your last day together will be.

Doing Things the Right Way

2008-11-06T10:45:00.006-05:00

I love ND football, and I think everyone I've ever met knows that. But a good part of the reason I love ND is because they do things the right way. I just saw this video of Defensive Coordinator Corwin Brown and it reminded me of why I love ND and why many people hate ND... because they do things the right way. It's just like everything else in life, when you have high character, don't take short cuts, and make your way to the top doing the little things, the right things, people are always trying to rip you down. It's their mission. Here is a coach who understands all that and the importance of not stooping to others' levels. He has a great perspective of responsibility and ownership, and an understanding that getting to the top is a LONG and HARD process when you do it with character and class. But IT IS ALWAYS WORTH IT. Watch this video of a coach that gets it and tell me it doesn't fire you up.

The Prosperity Gospel

2008-11-03T14:12:00.006-05:00

I don't know if I've ever heard John Piper this worked up, but he definitely got my attention.

When I first started watching this, I thought that John Piper was using some strong language, maybe too strong. But as I watched, I realized that this is a serious problem with the American church. We are getting sucked into this mindset and we don't even know it. How is this happening? What are we thinking? This mindset prostitutes the gospel and says that it is glorifying God! We really need to guard ourselves and make sure that we are staying grounded and rooted in the Word. We need to measure our teaching, against what the Bible says, and not get distracted by the feel good stuff, that isn't necessarily the Truth.

I'm officially in the MAHE cohort

2008-08-26T00:31:00.007-04:00

I don't even know what this means, but I was repeatedly called a member of a cohort today and I repeatedly felt like I was a member of a massive crime ring.

Apparently, in this case, it's a good thing because I'm now an official member of the MAHE (M.A. in Higher Education) program at Taylor University and, in the process, am starting yet another adventure in my life. After learning that the program director and his partners in crime (colleagues) aren't out to destroy my life for 2 years, I became very excited to get this baby rolling.

My classmates and I spent the day getting to know the faculty, the second-year program "cohort", and each other. It was exciting to get a peek into the lives of the people that I will be pretty intimately connected with 20 months from today.

So I'm taking the plunge into somewhat of the unknown, but it's not one of fear, but rather one of excited anticipation and expectation. I feel that God has called me to and prepared me for this program and I've been very affirmed in that. I'm excited to see what He has for me here. Let the "fun" begin.

Huntington Rush

2008-08-22T12:01:00.003-04:00

Today is the day!!!! All the freshmen are moving in!! Campus is buzzing. All faculty are off work so they can help move people into their new homes for the next 4 years of their lives... And I'm sitting in my apt. after an RA brunch/mtg., expecting maybe 3 or 4 people to move in to my 2 buildings... exciting day (sense the sarcasm?)

No Expectations?!?

2008-08-20T00:40:00.011-04:00

Is this possible in our relationships? Is it possible to have no expectations of people, especially those who you've invested in the most? Would it be right, or would it just lead to apathy?

This is a thought that I have been confronted with several times in the past few weeks. I was exposed to it in the book 'The Shack'. It was a powerful statement when I first read it: God doesn't have expectations of me. This isn't to say that he doesn't want us to follow Him and his Truth, but He knows our nature. So instead of feeling let down when we screw up, He simply is there to pick us up and show us the Way. Because He had no expectations in the first place, He is not inhibited to continue teaching, leading, guiding, correcting, and loving us unconditionally and with abandon.

I was recently at an ACSD conference that gathered RDs from Christian universities around the mid-west, where this exact thing was discussed. We were called to live in relationships with no expectations. This is tough for me to comprehend. Often I feel when I pour myself into someone in a mentoring, discipleship, or even friendship role, they owe it to me to not mess up; to perform at a higher level. Is it ridiculous for me to think like this? Aren't we supposed to expect more from those we are bringing alongside us?

The thing that I have to remind myself of, is that the person is on a journey, and unfortunately we humans tend to learn from our mistakes (many times it takes multiple mistakes). So when you find yourself in a Paul-type position, don't allow yourself to be discouraged or to give up when someone "let's you down", even if it is the 30th time. Let go of your pride and realize that they are not living for you; and that their mistake is not a reflection on your ability to lead them. Rather, be there to humbly pick them back up and continue guiding them on their own personal journey because, although that may be their 30th correction, it could just be that it is the 30th in a line of 31 and there is only one more to go in the process that is molding and shaping them into the image of Christ.

Let me know what you think about this concept? Is it way off line? Is it a challenge to you? Should we make a shift to start thinking like this?

The Best Day of the Year

2008-08-20T00:09:00.008-04:00

The War Room

This past Sunday, nine of my closest friends and mentors and I got together for what truly fuels us. No, it's not ministry or missions, it's fantasy football. The long awaited draft that signals the start of something new, new possibilities and hopefully a new winner, was finally upon us.

This is the day that we live for.

Where we sit for 4 hours hashing out new bylaws and rule changes and survive through an intense 20 round draft. It is where we can finally start ripping each other over annoyances, shortcomings, and, in this years case, blogging like a girl, and not feel bad about it. It is the time when we live to destroy all hope for a championship year after someone makes stupid draft choices (like picking Minnesota D in the 8th rd; nice Teddy). This is no ordinary league; it's not for the faint of heart. There is good 'ole fashioned competitive hatred, rivalries, and trash talking taken to another level.

Now, before you start to think that this is starting to sound like straight cruelty to each other, I should point out the positives.

1. It allows us to have a healthy release of our competitive natures.

2. It allows us to hear words from certain people that you would never expect to hear.

3. It adds years to my life because I often find myself, literally, rolling on floor in laughter after reading the message board.

4. And most importantly: It keeps our group connected and gives us a reason to talk to each other more (for at least 4 months out of the year).

So here's to another fun-filled fantasy football season.

DOWN WITH 'THE FORTRESS'!

My First Official Day(s) of Work

2008-08-05T00:44:00.010-04:00

For those of you that don't know, I recently moved to Huntington, IN to start my new job as an RD at Huntington University. I'm joined by 3 other 1st year RD's, so I'm definitely not alone in my incompetence (sorry to those referenced if I offended you), which may or may not be a good thing. My first official day at my first "real" job was last Fri. (Aug. 1). We went to an ACSD conference which was okay* until we all got icey juicys and then it was amazing (well that and my boss spouting off about reading a book about a rooster that made him cry).

My first work day on campus was yesterday (Mon. the 4th), but I can't really sum it up better than a new friend and colleague of mine, Steve. This dude is hilarious and I can't wait to have some great times and memories with him. Read his blog if you ever get bored. You'll laugh.

Basically, I think I'm going to love this job and the people that I'm working with. Good days at HU.

*(More thoughts on the not so lame conference will be coming).

My home-boys a.k.a. 'The Association'

2008-08-03T19:04:00.010-04:00

Kyle, Michael, Ben, Adam, Nate, Me, Ted

I consider these guys to be one of the biggest blessings from the Lord in my life. I can't sum us up any better than what Kyle did on our blog and Adam did recently on his. We recently spent 4 straight days together which only happens once or twice a year anymore because we think we need to be all over the world all the time. It's so refreshing to spend that kind of time together because of the inexorable bond that we have together and because we can always pick things up like it was just yesterday that we were punk high schoolers trying to rule the world. I love these dudes and look forward to more great times together.

This may or may not be interesting...

2008-08-02T22:02:00.004-04:00

but I'm going to give blogging a shot. I started this blog almost a year ago to keep people informed on my life. I was moving all over the place, experiencing a ton, but just didn't think I had the time or motivation to write, so I ditched the idea before I even started. Recently, I've been inspired/encouraged to start it back up, and I'm excited to be able to tell stories of where I've been and how God is changing me, vent my frustrations and concerns, ask questions, and simply write out my thoughts... so here it goes