The Pains of Single Living

No, I'm not talking about romantic relationships. I'm talking about living in an apartment all by myself. One of the things that was hammered home while I was at the Institute at Focus on the Family was to never live by yourself. I understood their reasoning, but now I've experienced it for a year and can say with certainty that it is an important rule to try to live by. I will grant that sometimes life demands otherwise, for instance my situation being an RD in a res hall, or maybe moving to a place where you initially don't know anyone. However, I've found it to be a very negative experience, mainly for the reasons I was warned about at Focus.

Maybe you completely disagree with me when I say single living might be one of the worst things you can do, but hear me out. What I witnessed in my own life was a bit disturbing. Because of my previous knowledge, I was aware of what was happening, but often it was hard to curb the effect of single living. When you live by yourself, you immediately lose all forms of daily accountability and awareness of others. You get home and don't have to be a servant to anyone - you don't have to be selfless. That was the hardest thing to fight because my flesh was loving being focused only on ME. But my spirit sensed that it was wrong. It's kind of like exercise; when you don't lift, your muscles don't grow. If you never have to practice selflessness, you won't learn or grow in that area. I have found my self-awareness diminish along with my desire to and awareness of opportunities to serve others.

Lastly, you don't have individuals to challenge you to grow because they simply aren't around. Say what you will about having accountability partners, etc., but the fact is, your accountability partner most likely isn't going to be around you all the time. A roommate will, and they will force you to address issues that you otherwise wouldn't normally have to address. On a side note, I think living with roommates of the same sex is a great preparation for marriage because it forces you to think of others when often you don't feel like it.

I say all this to let you know selfishness is something I've really been struggling with, and I think it largely stems from living by myself. Feel free to call me out on this if you notice it in my life.

For you recent post-grads out there, take my advice. Do yourselves a favor and find a couple solid people to live with. If you live intentionally with each other, you'll be a better person because of it.