The Pains of Single Living

No, I'm not talking about romantic relationships. I'm talking about living in an apartment all by myself. One of the things that was hammered home while I was at the Institute at Focus on the Family was to never live by yourself. I understood their reasoning, but now I've experienced it for a year and can say with certainty that it is an important rule to try to live by. I will grant that sometimes life demands otherwise, for instance my situation being an RD in a res hall, or maybe moving to a place where you initially don't know anyone. However, I've found it to be a very negative experience, mainly for the reasons I was warned about at Focus.

Maybe you completely disagree with me when I say single living might be one of the worst things you can do, but hear me out. What I witnessed in my own life was a bit disturbing. Because of my previous knowledge, I was aware of what was happening, but often it was hard to curb the effect of single living. When you live by yourself, you immediately lose all forms of daily accountability and awareness of others. You get home and don't have to be a servant to anyone - you don't have to be selfless. That was the hardest thing to fight because my flesh was loving being focused only on ME. But my spirit sensed that it was wrong. It's kind of like exercise; when you don't lift, your muscles don't grow. If you never have to practice selflessness, you won't learn or grow in that area. I have found my self-awareness diminish along with my desire to and awareness of opportunities to serve others.

Lastly, you don't have individuals to challenge you to grow because they simply aren't around. Say what you will about having accountability partners, etc., but the fact is, your accountability partner most likely isn't going to be around you all the time. A roommate will, and they will force you to address issues that you otherwise wouldn't normally have to address. On a side note, I think living with roommates of the same sex is a great preparation for marriage because it forces you to think of others when often you don't feel like it.

I say all this to let you know selfishness is something I've really been struggling with, and I think it largely stems from living by myself. Feel free to call me out on this if you notice it in my life.

For you recent post-grads out there, take my advice. Do yourselves a favor and find a couple solid people to live with. If you live intentionally with each other, you'll be a better person because of it.

Losing a Link

About a month ago I traveled to Kansas City to reunite with friends from the Focus Institute. Unfortunately, this reunion was very different than the few some of us FFI alumni have shared since we graduated last spring. We gathered to mourn a fallen sister, a lost link in our eternal chain that will bind us for life. Although, I did not spend a lot of time with Angie while in CO, when I heard of the news of her passing it was like someone hit me in the stomach or ripped something away from me... from us. Here is a picture that shows the tangible look of the spiritual chain that binds us. (Again it's hard to explain the emotions contained in this picture and the strength of this bond between the Spring of 2008 FFI alumni)




Angie Sanders, passed away on Friday, Jan. 9th. However, her legacy continued on and was very evident in her funeral, which was more of a celebration than anything else. It was an incredible ceremony that honored Angie in the only way the people who knew her could have imagined, by centering it completely on Christ. Her father, Preston, conducted the ceremony and spoke for an hour and a half! He was only slowed by an occasional emotional memory, but would regain his strength to continue to proclaim the amazing news that his daughter tried to display with her life. To be honest, I don't think I've ever heard someone preach the gospel message and it's implications for our lives like Preston brought it on Jan. 17. In the face of tragedy, it was amazing to see him, and Angie's entire family, not only cling to Christ, but proclaim HIS amazing grace and mercy.

I was again reminded of the phrase "you have never met a mere mortal" as I watched the people who had come to the funeral pay Angie their last respects. People of all ages, sizes, colors, styles, and economic backgrounds were there and I had to think that maybe Angie bought into what C.S. Lewis had stated. It seemed that she never met someone she was too good for or didn't have time for and it felt like a punch in the gut and a refreshing shower at the same time. I was convicted of my own apathy when I saw all the kinds of people she touched. At the same time, it was this awesome encouragement to see a follower of Christ be represented by the number of people she influenced. I hope that when my day comes, I too will have impacted as diverse and large a group as Angie.

Food For Thought - Mere Mortals

I learned a C.S. Lewis quote at the Focus Institute that I haven't been able to shake. He once said, "You have never met a mere mortal."

I have been wrestling with this for quite some time (since being at FFI last spring) and some recent encounters have brought my internal struggle with this statement back to the forefront of my mind. Here are some previous thoughts that started this fight inside myself between holding onto my comfortable, selfish lifestyle and living with abandon and with an eternal perspective:

I've been humbled many times by this statement, yet I still fail to live like I believe it. What would my life look like if I looked at every person I saw as the eternal being that they are. How many times do I drive by the same shop, and maybe even patronize it, and never engage with the owner? The people that live next door; not mere mortals. How many times do I interact with these people and yet don't genuinely care about their story? Everyone has a story, but do I take the time to listen? Do I take the time to care? How much different would my life look if I saw people as more than mere mortals?

I want to be so involved in my world, but I lose the intentionality of that focus so easily. I'm realizing I'm losing focus because I'm failing to constantly gaze at the nature of God. Two characteristics of God that sting are his humility and his extreme involvement. He is the definition of humility. He humbles himself to the lowly and becomes involved in their very being.

A former professor of mine, Dr. Del Tackett, describes God's involvement very well (yet it's still only finite):
"He listens and he touches. He comforts and he disciplines. He dwells within us and he intercedes. He protects us, he guides us, he provides our every need. He is the vine and he gives us life. He has spoken to us in his word and he keeps us from temptations that we cannot bear. He is deeply involved. God is not apathetic. He does not abstain. He does not abdicate his responsibilities to fulfill his promises. He is faithful to the end. He is the Father to the fatherless. He defends the weak and the needy. He is righteous and he does what is right. He sends rain on the just and the unjust. You cannot accuse God of copping out. He doesn't bail. He doesn't flee. He never retreats and he never abandons the battle. He is deeply involved. He takes the evil king to task and he judges the wicked. He opposes the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. He hears the cries of his people. He listens to them and he answers our prayers. His providential hand has been felt by those who have come before and by those who will come after us. He brings peace in the midst of trials. He opens the prison doors. He sets the captives free. He is present in the foxhole and he knows when a sparrow falls. He is the ever present, the ever near, the everlasting Father. He has not abandoned us and he will not forsake us. He IS INVOLVEMENT! If you want to follow Him, then you must engage in the battle!"

I know this is long, but it gives some food for thought. Let me know what you think

FFI - First Weekend

The first weekend at Focus Institute is crucial to setting the tone for the rest of the semester, both for the faculty and the students. I can tell you that something happens in the first few days at Focus and then the next 3 days on the "base-camp retreat" that is hard to describe. (It's called base-camp because climbing a mountain was the metaphor used for the journey of the semester and the retreat was the beginning/prep stage; hence, "base-camp").

85 college students and post-grads load up with 10 to 15 staff members and make a trek up to 9,000 feet and Horn Creek Retreat Center, for a life-changing retreat. The crazy thing is that the 85 Institute students are basically strangers, having only known each other for 3 days. But the mountains + God changes a lot of things.

During those three days we grew closer together than is humanly possible. Through all kinds of ice breakers, staff testimonies and challenges, seminars, and opportunities to chill with peers in the great outdoors or inside with a warm cup of hot chocolate we left a different kind of group. To be honest, as we left it felt like a True community of believers and one could share deeply from their hearts with many brand new friends. This type of vulnerability set the stage for the most incredible 3 1/2 months of growth in my entire life.

Here are some pictures of us tubing that first weekend at the base-camp retreat at Horn Creek.

FFI Series Preface

This video is a great overview of the program. It's a bit cheesy at the beginning and seems to be so brief for the depth it tries to convey, but it might help to show the intentionality and how awesome the program is.

It's interesting to watch this video after being there because I literally experienced the things that these students are talking about. What blew me away immediately upon arrival was that everyone knew my name and my story. It was incredible. At one point in the clip, the president, Dr. Del Tackett mentions that the "Institute defies description." I realize that is exactly what I am trying to do with this series, but figured I'd at least give it a shot. I think the video is a great way to start this series as it really sets the tone for what the Institute is all about. Enjoy.

Focus Institute Series

I know the series thing is so cliche, but I'm not smart enough* to try to think of a more clever title, so just deal with it...

I can honestly say, by far and away, my experience at Focus on the Family Institute (FFI) was the most transformational 3 1/2 months of my life as a Christian. However, I have a hard time conveying that experience. I realize when I do talk about my experience at FFI, and I do it a lot**, most people just give me this blank "deer in headlights" stare back. So I figured I would write a short synopsis (in series form) on my experiences while living in CO Springs and taking classes at FFI. Hopefully, through stories and pictures, everyone will have a slightly better idea of why I deeply love Colorado, FFI, and the people I met there.

*by not smart enough I mean too lazy to think of/look up a synonym
**This means an inordinate amount (like Steve Conn talking about Taylor University or Cubs fans talking about this year being 'the year')